Oracle
442 oracle items tagged as team oracle
March 20, 2015 / submitted by Anonymous, United Kingdom
Q.  TEAM ORACLE QUESTION #209
Lately my mental health hasn't been great - and when I say lately I mean for a period of about 5 or 6 weeks. It's started to show through in social situations and I've had a few embarrassing moments out and about where I've simply been too overwhelmed by everything. I'm a very passive person, and so it's been hard to explain or let people know, or even see how I'm feeling. However, this isn't what worries me the most.
My best friend suffers from anxiety, and has gone through some rough patches before, meaning whenever an incident or anything occurs I'm instantly compared to her, and told to just "stop it", because I don't have to be like that.
It's true, and I feel really awful and selfish because I can't control it and she has it worse than me. I'm just not really sure what to do, but I need to do something soon. I've been constantly feeling guilty about it and need advice. What should I do?

Firstly let me say that it's great you spotted the signs early and have started to question what to do about it.
Secondly, I urge you to continue on this path.
Mental health is not a competitive or a comparative illness. It doesn't matter at all what is happening to those around you. No matter what your friend is going through, your concern must be what it happening to YOU and how you deal with it. Your friend very well may have it worse than you but that doesn't make it any less of an issue.
Your major worry shouldn't be somebody else - that does not make you a selfish person at all.
You've described how overwhelming you find this situation and guilt is the last thing you need on top of that.
I'd like you to put aside every other feeling other than your anxieties. Write them down if that helps. If you aren't getting support from family or friends, try a school counsellor, teacher or doctor who can give you professional help.
Perhaps there is someone else within the extended family unit that you trust enough to tell them how you feel. Ask for help. Even if it proves difficult to find, I promise you it is there.
Maybe you should also talk with your friend. She may understand what you're going though. It might be too much for her so that's for you to gauge and decide if it's an option.
There may be some online information about groups in your area that deal with young people in similar situations - you are not alone.
Be proud of yourself for taking this step, I am. I'm sure that if you can reach out here, you have what it takes to do the same locally.
Over to you.

I'm so sorry that you've been feeling overwhelmed and anxious. Many of us have this problem, and you can't just stop it. You are not your friend. Other people also tend to think that panic and anxiety don't really exist. They are very real, but you aren't crazy, if you happen to feel this way. It sounds to me like you may be having panic attacks which are very real and can happen to anyone for a variety of reasons.
I don't like to be in large groups of people because I feel closed in. I try not to panic by relaxing and taking deep breaths. Then, I try to get to an area that is less crowded. You may need to see your doctor to see if you might need some medication or if you need to talk to a professional. There is nothing wrong any of these answers. You are going to be ok.
When I feel really anxious, at home, I like to listen to O from the Ghost Stories CD. I get anxious when I go to the doctor and the dentist, so I listen to O then too. Think of holding my hand when you start getting overwhelmed, take a deep breath, and tell yourself that you will be ok. I wish you the very best.
Cat.


I'm married since 30 years, and my wife is, now, constantly in anxiety. The only way to live found on two things:
1. Live constantly without anxiety. How? Listening music, better. The last of the Coldplay as we do, writing things, or idea, translating poems or songs, for yourself and your loved ones.
Enjoy. Gaudete. Filippo.

NO ONE has the right to compare you to your best friend. You are fighting your own battle and the only person you should be compared to is yourself (in terms of whether you are better than before or worse). The fact that someone else is struggling with a bigger problem doesn't imply that your problems are meaningless and that you don't deserve compassion and understanding. You shouldn't be feeling guilty for having a disorder or for the lack of understanding some people show.
First of all, I would advise you to seek professional help. That's one of the tools you need in order to learn how to deal with mental health problems. You should also give it a try and be open about your condition. Your friends and people around you will understand and be supportive if they know what you're facing, not to mention that that feeling of support can reduce the stress social situations might trigger. Just give them a chance. You don't have to give them extensive details. Just take some time and prepare a short answer. It would be good as well if you could tell your family (or whoever is comparing you to your best friend) the way that makes you feel and how it doesn't help you get better.
Hope everything goes well for you. Noelia, Argentina.


Let it go. Accept it and embrace it. Whatever it is that happens in you or your friend, the only way in my opinion not to feel guilty is to just accept it. Sometimes we feel guilty because some part of us feeling denial about us being a better person or a worse person than the one you've been compared to. What really matter the most is don't take everything anyone said about you, especially compare you to your friend. Those people has no right to tell you what you are and what you are supposed to be. She's your best friend, you're her best friend. You can only help each other because you share the bond called friendship. You never know she might feel the same thing to you. Talk to her, and then take some time alone to think. Find things that calm you the most and enjoy your life up to little things like waking up in the morning. Be brave and be confident, in that way you can find yourself as who you really are and embrace yourself.
If it got worse and you think you can't help it any longer, you might wanna seek help from professional doctors. But I hope it won't be any necessary, just be brave, confident, embrace and love yourself. You are beautiful the way you are.
Love, Lavina.

I'm sorry to hear you're feeling that way. What you should do is, stop comparing yourself to others. Never ever compare your problems to those of anyone else! We all cope with things in a different way and just because your friend has anxiety 'worse' then you, doesn't mean you're not allowed to feel anything or should feel guilty about having problems yourself. Besides who judges whether and when someone has worse troubles then you? If your problems feel real and serious to you, then thats what they are! You are not being selfish at all, trust me. I'd suggest you try to talk to someone. This could be a professional someone or someone who you trust and doesn't compare you to your best friend. Find help before it gets any worse is the best thing you can do right now. Good luck! Amanda.

I need you to know that in a way, I know how you feel. I've been through something similar some time ago, I am now in a situation like yours, but I know I cannot compare my problems with yours because it wouldn't be fair.
I'll tell you my problem and I'll tell you how I try to deal with it, in this way you might relate and it might help you.
I can't say I'm a depressive person, but I do have a problem, I cry from everything, I even have crises when I just can't stop crying and it's horrible because I can't talk to almost anyone about it. I don't talk about it because I know there are people out there that suffer a lot more, but you know what? That's wrong sometimes, cause sometimes, you suffer as well and it wouldn't be fair if you would just ignore it.
Don't feel bad about yourself. I understand that your friend's situation is a bit difficult, but you matter as well and don't ever let anyone tell you again to stop, ever. If it's hard, then it's done well and when it's hard, true friends show up.
Be careful and don't think about yourself that you're crazy or something, you're not. All you need is someone to talk to, someone to listen to you and help you and above all, to care about you and to love you.
Take care of you and smile!!
Lots of Love from Romania!
Madalina.
(EDIT: Madalina, the same goes for you! Talk to someone. Oracle.)

It' s hard to understand your problem without knowing your life. What has been happening last 5-6 weeks? What has been happening through your life to grow such state of mind which you call mental health issue? Has it ever happened to you? Do you have mental illnesses in your family,what are your family relations like? Is this first time that you have problems in friendship or it happened before? I think you should answer these question to find a real reason and cause of your problems. Then you can search for a help. That would be some confident person, family member or teacher or psychologist. Somebody should define your anxiety and your state of mind. And you should think about why it has all started and what's the biggest problem that you have in life. I hope you'll find your reasons and some answers,just keep searching and never accepting negativity, you were born to be happy! Love, Kamili.

Thanks to all those who replied to this week's question. Remember, Team Oracle is open to anyone so if you fancy replying, click to read this week's, and send us your answer.



March 20, 2015 / submitted by The Oracle, United Kingdom
Q.  WHO'D LIKE TO JOIN TEAM ORACLE?

As you may know, we have a weekly feature, Team Oracle, whereby each Friday we open questions of a personal nature to all of you to answer too. Then, the following Friday, I post a selection of the best answers, alongside my own reply.

ANYONE can join in so, if you'd like to, please email your response to the following question, in no more than 250 words, to theoracle@coldplay.com before midnight Thursday 26 March.

At the moment I am dealing with some problems I have been having with my partner for two years now but sometimes I feel like it's not going where I want it to.
Recently I've met this one girl who is really sweet and kind.
The dilemma is who do I choose and why my partner blames me for a lot of silly mistakes and really loses her cool sometimes? What if this new girl is the same and then I'm left alone and unhappy?
Ryan. UK.


Look forward to reading your replies.

The Oracle.

Please email your replies with TEAM ORACLE in the subject line to theoracle@coldplay.com
Including your twitter address may result in a follow back.



March 13, 2015 / submitted by Kamili, Croatia
Q.  TEAM ORACLE QUESTION #208
How do you deal with your past? Lately I've been thinking about some memories wondering what would it be like now if it was different before? It's not that I blame myself because there's nothing I could've done as a child. As an adult, now I do everything that I can and wish but I regret about some things and way of living that didn't depend on me. I know that there's no going back, there's only present, but what do you do with emotions about past and wishing to turn back time and make things different? Do you think it's a destiny and there were no other options? Thanks for your replies! Love to all.

We can learn from the past but leave it where it is.
Let me put it this way.
Imagine you as a person had to physically carry your possessions around all the time and every time you got something new, you add that to the load. Heavy right? We go through life and we have to assess what to physically keep, what to throw away and what to recycle / upcycle.
It's the same with the past. It's going to be a burden and the weight will pull you down if you don't work out what to keep, throw away, recycle...
It's behind us so there's not much point dragging it around with us.
Regret is a waste of energy but if you feel it's more powerful than that, perhaps some form of therapy would help.
You say you do what you can now and that's the important part. Things are sometimes out of our control and frustrating as that is, it's how you bounce back from those things.
There's nothing you can do about what has happened, though you may be able to take from it to deal with the now and influence the future. Let the past shape your future but don't sit and worry about how it could have been. I say the same of the unknown in front of us too - there is no point worrying about what might (never) happen.
Regarding your past, it doesn't matter whether it was fate or destiny; it simply "was". Let it go.
Over to you.

About two years ago I ask my self the same question, what if the things what happens to me in the past didn't happen, I was really sad about it and I got therapy for it, how to deal with my past, and now I'm done with the therapy and it really was the best thing I ever did. I say to my self every morning "this is the first day of the rest of my life" and it works. I really hope that some day you can find a way to deal with your past and maybe it's a good idea to talk to some-one who can help you.
Wish you a lot of luck and go for it life could be so beautiful! Keep the faith in it and believe in your self!
Lots of love, Marianne.


You can't ever go back and change the past, however that doesn't mean there isn't hope. You can not change what you have already done, but you have the power to change the long-term outcome. You can choose what to do with what you have been left with after what's done has been done. Surely, fate is fate, but no one knows how it really... works. Seeing into the future kills hope, so that's why I try not to think too much about consequence. Let the past be in the past, and work with what you have. I hope this helps.
Love, Solaf.

I think everything that happens in someone's past is not worthless, even if it wasn't full of happiness or it wasn't the life someone really wanted to have. Your past makes the person you are right now. You do everything you want and accomplish your dreams. If your past wasn't like the way it really was (the one you had), maybe you won't be the person you are right now, you won't be doing your dreams come true. So don't look with bad feeling your past. If it was though, don't even look at it. Just look forward. You did want you need to do when you were a child, like play, enjoying life, without any stress that adults (sadly) has. Don't be sad for the things you couldn't do on your childhood, be happy because you are doing it now that you are able to.
Karolyn, Ecuador.


I really like this question it opens up a lot of introspection. I guess you need to let go of the past, take what is good and keep it, learn from the bad stuff and don't repeat it. Your past has made you what you are today so obviously it could not have been all bad. I am not a believer in fate we make our life what it is, but it is true we don't always have control over it.
Pondering over what might have been will just make you sad and depressed. Here and now is what you have. You alone have the power to really make your life a good one. I would suggest keeping a journal or writing about what you would like to change , then putting it away for a time. In a few years take it out and see how you feel. You cannot deny your past you can only learn from it and grow. Best wishes as you tackle this journey.
Laurie.

I used to dwell with my past. Until I went down deep, analyzed what went wrong what would have been done, and made a note of it. I jot all my words in a paper, I feel more relief that way instead of speaking to some one about it. I strongly believe that even after grown as a adult you are still the result of your past. The roots are from the past which made you who you are and what you are today.
So instead of blaming the past, I learnt from it try to make a better present which I live. Coz in future the present would be my past deeds. Life is best to live in the way as it comes, wear a smile on your face.
Take a chance, make a mistake, learn from it and move on :) I'm a believer of these words.
You can't design your life so perfect coz if you don't make a mistake you don't learn, and you can't taste the success if you don't have a fare amount of failure.
With Love, Niharika.


I really do believe things happen for a reason. Whatever has occurred in your past will, in the long term, work out to be for the best. Both for yourself and for others! (And this is coming from a logical person about to enter a science degree!)
There is nothing you can do to change what is in the past, regret is a useless emotion. Just try to focus on the future and be thankful for the events which have made you who you are today.
Best of luck, Sam.

The past is a mystery as much as it is an open book.
It's the unknown thing that keeps us awake in the middle of the night and it's the thing that brings us comfort when we need.
To begin with, might I say, this is a brilliant question! A question I have asked myself over and over again.
Our past cannot be changed nor can it be fixed, it's a paradox really, a paradox we have to live with.
My advice to you is:
Don't live in the past, don't do a mistake I did myself many times, because if you do that, if you let the past consume you, then you'll be lost. Yes, you can wish to change something, you will always wish that, but you have to think that everything that happened to you, happened with a reason so you just have to relax as a wise man once said.
Our past is debatable, our past is ours and we can't just change it with another, but we can change the future because it didn't happen yet, so here's the catch, use the mistakes of the past to fix your future.
Be brave and strong!
Lots of Love from Romania! Madalina.


I have more knowledge of this subject than anyone else I know. Reminiscing about the past and what could have been, seems to be a way of dealing with problems or unhappiness in the present. That being said, it's impossible to go back, and, therefore, not worth the time it takes to ponder it. Things are as they should be. It's kind of like heaven: no one has ever come back to tell us what it's really like, yet we want to be there. If no one has ever been able to go back and change the past, how can we know we want to be there and that it would be better? We can only dream about it, much like heaven. Simply said, there is a reason why a car's rearview mirror is very small compared to it's front windshield. What is left behind is small and insignificant in comparison to what lies ahead in this great big universe.
Kim, Collierville, TN, USA.

Now 38 years old and mother of a 4 year old I should be wiser. But I am not. Recently I f*cked up badly. Not only for myself but I lost credibility and someone else has to suffer too. I lost my ex boyfriend as a friend and some benefits that came with it. I am suffering and I wish I could turn back time. Still learning life's lessons. I do cry. A lot. I will go on. That is the circle of life. Too many opportunities to live in the past.
Tanja, Cologne.


In order to heal wounds from the past, talking is essential. When you talk about your past, you get to understand why some things happened and that can bring you some peace. Putting what happened into words also helps you see things in other way. It helps you gain perspective. You should open up to someone you trust and that you think will be able to understand you (maybe a friend, a family member, someone in the same position as you, a therapist). If you ignore the emotions your past causes you, they will remain there and will eventually come back to hurt you. Talk as much as you need about what's affecting you. Allow yourself to cry if you need to. Feeling that someone understands you and/or supports you will help you heal. Also, if there's something you regret that you can repair, repair it. Those are things that will allow you to reduce the angst eventually.
Try not to be so hard on yourself. You said it: you were a child. Things didn't depend on you at all. Think about what you'd say to yourself if you were other person. Sometimes we are too hard on ourselves and we wouldn't be so hard on other people in the same position.
I really hope things turn out right for you and I wish you the best.
Noelia, Argentina.

Your problem really stumped me for a bit because I tend to worry about the future which is bad for you. All of us have regrets about our past whether we were in control of them or not. What you have to realize is that the past is over, and it should be used to teach you not to repeat the same behaviors that you regret. I don't think that your past controls your destiny unless you let it.
"What if" is a useless term to use because it is a phrase that doesn't let you move forward. It makes you think about the past, and all of your regrets. You already know that you should live in the present, which is fantastic. You are exactly right!!
What you can do is learn from your past regrets and try not to repeat them in the future. I know that it isn't easy to do this because I had to let go of regrets that I had in my past, and I had to let go of pleasing everyone all of the time. I only have to make myself happy. I learned a secret from this-if I'm happy, then those around me are happy. So, hold my hand and step into the present and stay there. Leave those regrets behind. You have a brilliant future ahead of you.
Cat.


The past is the past, you can't go back in time, you said it. So what you can do now is learn from those past experiences - what did it teach you? Why do you actually regret those things? Sometimes you have to go through something difficult or displeasing to really understand. This is how you really learn - by experiencing. Trying the 'wrong' path will make you understand that the other one is the right one for you. It makes you focus on the essential. Learn from your experiences and take power. Once you understand, you can let go and go forward. How would you actually grow if you were not experiencing anything? You have to and that's what makes life exciting. We are here to learn and help each other out on this journey.
So invite those past ghosts into your house, sit with them and hear what they have to teach you - welcome them as friends, because that's what they are really. And if thinking about tough things still makes you feel bad, then feel it until it leaves you, even if hurts - you will be freed from it forever. Release all those emotions stuck inside your body and you will feel so much better and light. Once you have learned, released and forgiven, you can focus on enjoying the present in peace and confidence and on what you want now, knowing all what you have learned. Always see the positive in what you are living and experiencing and I promise you will be fine. Even if it is difficult sometimes, this how we grow up.
With Love, Chloe.

Thanks to all those who replied to this week's question. Remember, Team Oracle is open to anyone so if you fancy replying, click to read this week's, and send us your answer.



March 13, 2015 / submitted by The Oracle, United Kingdom
Q.  WHO'D LIKE TO JOIN TEAM ORACLE?

As you may know, we have a weekly feature, Team Oracle, whereby each Friday we open questions of a personal nature to all of you to answer too. Then, the following Friday, I post a selection of the best answers, alongside my own reply.

ANYONE can join in so, if you'd like to, please email your response to the following question, in no more than 250 words, to theoracle@coldplay.com before midnight Thursday 19 March.

Lately my mental health hasn't been great - and when I say lately I mean for a period of about 5 or 6 weeks. It's started to show through in social situations and I've had a few embarrassing moments out and about where I've simply been too overwhelmed by everything. I'm a very passive person, and so it's been hard to explain or let people know, or even see how I'm feeling. However, this isn't what worries me the most.
My best friend suffers from anxiety, and has gone through some rough patches before, meaning whenever an incident or anything occurs I'm instantly compared to her, and told to just "stop it", because I don't have to be like that.
It's true, and I feel really awful and selfish because I can't control it and she has it worse than me. I'm just not really sure what to do, but I need to do something soon. I've been constantly feeling guilty about it and need advice. What should I do? Anonymous, UK.


Look forward to reading your replies.

The Oracle.

Please email your replies with TEAM ORACLE in the subject line to theoracle@coldplay.com
Including your twitter address may result in a follow back.



March 6, 2015 / submitted by Pam, United States of America
Q.  TEAM ORACLE QUESTION #207
I'm debating whether to do what I know is right or what makes me happy. I would appreciate your wise advice. Thank You.

I always listen to my gut - over my heart and my head. If the choices I have don't involve anything illegal or immoral, don't deliberately hurt anyone maliciously or have negative consequences, I will always do what makes me happy.
Who decides what is right anyway? Usually someone else for their own gain. I'm not a selfish person, I'm generous & giving but I have to put me, myself and I first; I have to do what makes me happy.
I mean that genuinely and for the most part that will be solely for my own benefit and without regard for other people's opinions on that.
If something makes me happy, it surely must be the right thing to do.
Over to you.

Definitely do what makes you happy. Live for yourself and for your own happiness first and everything around you will be better. What is 'right' is a really conceptual and subjective thing that some brain-driven people imposed to everyone. Don't do things because some people or the society tells you to do it this way, never. Do things for yourself, don't let anyone spoil your happiness, it is yours, you decide. Living into the concepts that the society created leads you to fear, anger and thus unhappiness. Trust yourself and love yourself first and do what is right for you and for your well-being. Always see the positive and aim towards positive things that will make you happy and joyful and lots of positive things will come to you and you really don't have to fear anything if you are staying in that state of mind no matter what. Be confident at all time, take care of yourself and don't let yourself be affected by the negativity of others. Learn to love yourself first and you will understand that it will lead you to loving others better as well - this will be good for everyone and everything.
Sending you Love, Chloe.


I'd like to answer your question with a few questions: Is what you are doing making your life and the people around you's life better? Is what you are doing making you happy not only in the moment, but something to remember as good for the rest of your life. Do you enjoy doing it? To be doing something right, you don't need to change the world. To be happy, do things you love, still making sure you are doing what is right. Doing what is right is simple: Make others and yourself happy. So there, you can still do what makes you happy and be doing what you like. Do things that you like that still allow you to do what is right. You can choose the way you live. I would advise to live a life making you and every one around you happy. If everyone lived this way the world would be a better place. It all starts with you.
Best wishes, Benjamin.

I wonder what doing the right thing means for you.
If you think that doing the right thing is living your life according to other's expectations (your parents, your community, etc), I'll tell you that sometimes the right thing is being brave enough to do what makes you happy. It might be hard not to live up to the expectations of the people you love, but what really matters is what makes YOU happy. Life is a gift and the right thing is living it to the fullest, according to YOUR idea of happiness.
You'll regret someday not taking a chance on whatever makes you happy.
On the other hand, if doing what makes you happy involves neglecting the people you love, I would totally advise you to do what you consider to be right. Hurting the ones you love is something to regret too.
I wonder if there's a way to combine both things: doing what you want in life and doing the right thing. Sometimes we need to think a little out of the box and find alternative ways. Sometimes there are more than two options.
Wish you the best. Noelia. Argentina.


I can't really pick a side here. I always manage to kind of balance both. Choose from what makes you happy the things that are correct. Let me rephrase that, do what makes you happy as long as its right. This is quite beneficial as not only are you satisfying yourself with things that make you happy, but you are also pleased about yourself for doing the right thing. Avoid doing what makes you happy if its wrong because not only is it temporary and fragile happiness that are brought along with such an act, but it also brings along misery as you will become ashamed of doing the wrong thing. I hope this helps.
Love, Solaf.

This depends on who is saying what is right. Do you believe it's right? Or is somebody else telling you it is? Sometimes you should take someone you love's advice when they say what you're doing is not the best, even though you believe it's making you very happy. Other times, however, people lose faith in you and tell you what you're doing will never have a good impact on your life. If you believe that the thing making you happy is not necessarily the right thing, try and do the right thing and you'll feel good that you're making a good decision. If someone else is saying that what's making you happy isn't the right thing, try and see their point of view. Think about why they believe it isn't right and see if you agree with them.
Katie.


Often in life we come across these situations. Don't feel selfish if you do end up doing what makes you happy. Sometimes, doing the right thing between these decisions doesn't always necessarily mean you are doing the correct thing.
As a wise man Chris Martin once said back in June 2014, "everything that's happening to you is what's supposed to be happening to you, so just relax." If you feel that doing the right thing will be for the greater good and it won't affect the people you care about around you chose the right thing. On the other hand, if you chose to do what will make you happy remember that you chose that decision; it may have consequences but it could be for the greater good.
The decisions we make in the present determine our near future. Don't feel regret. Regret is a dark thing; it holds us back from moving on in life. If I were to conclude with an answer for you Pam, I would do what I know is right.
I hope this helped.
Otis.

I'm 30 years old and in some aspects in my life I've done what is right; fell in love with only the right person, doing what society says is ok, studying, finding a job... but some years ago I realised that most of that stuff didn't make me happy at all... so now, I'm doing what makes me happy even if its right or wrong, I quit my job and trade it for fruit picking jobs for 2 years in an amazing country, I fell in love with somebody that wasn't the best fit for me but still made my days wonderful... so who cares about doing right things! Do whatever feels good, whatever makes u the happiest person in the world, that way you will feel you made the best decision!
Paola.


I understand you, debating between what's right and what makes you happy is hard.
But you have to think about yourself first, because it's your life we're talking about.
Three months I became a volunteer in a project. At first I did everything because I had to, but after I saw the joy and happiness on people's faces, I became happy. And even though I lost many nights of sleep and I was so tired, I did what was right and what made me happy.
You should do the same. Try and combine the two options you have.
You don't necessarily need to choose, you can do what's right and do what makes you happy, you just have to find a balance between them.
Finding the balance is a challenge indeed, but I feel that you're a strong person and that you can do it!
Don't forget that we all believe in you!!
The power of belief is what will get us through, as a wise man once said.
Good luck!
Lots of Love from Romania!
Madalina.

If you say you KNOW what right is, I guess then you gave the answer. Maybe you just can accept to postpone the happiness because we all want satisfaction, results and happiness immediately. Knowing the right decision, you have to take courage and do it, happiness will come as a consequence of it. If something is right and you know it, it's naturally followed by happiness, maybe you just don't see it now or it takes time to show results. You separate the right decision and what makes you happy in your letter, but I try to unite it.
If you know what's right, like you said, then I guess you just aren't ready for that step and somehow you turn to what makes you happy like to an excuse.
That's what I felt from your letter, because you said you knew what right was.
If you didn't know what right was, I would speak differently.
You also didn't say if that was right from your point of view or others imposed it. Think about that and also consider both sides. It would help me to know what is this all about, but without knowing it, I must act like a philosopher. I hope I helped but these words maybe will help even more, at least for your soul.
"I can't and I can't decide
Wrong, wrong from right,
Day, or my day from night,
Dark or the dark from light,
I live but I love this life."
Love, Kamili.


Wow, that's a tough question to answer without knowing any of the specifics, but I usually choose to follow my heart. As far as we know we only live once, so I think its best to do something that makes you happy and not to waste your life feeling miserable because you chose to do 'the right thing' if it doesn't make you happy. Maybe there's a way to both do whats right and what makes you happy? If not, I'd go for doing what makes you happy, unless that's stealing, hurting someone or harming animals in any way. Just kidding, good luck with your decision.
Amanda.

I think you should do what makes you happy. Because the thing that you know is right, might not make you happy. If you do what makes you happy, you can enjoy going to work. You can be happy with what you chose, and you'll have fun doing what you love. Ask yourself this, would you want to do something you enjoy? Or something that you have to do?
Carolyn.


You should always choose to do what you believe is the right thing to do. It takes a lot of strength to be selfless and do the right thing but afterwards, you will feel very light knowing you stood up for what is right. Choosing to not do the right thing would lead to feelings of guilt. Doing whatever makes you happy will only make you happy while you were doing it, but afterwards is a feeling of a long and heavy burden. Whatever it is that you have to choose between, we are here cheering for you to do what is right.
Cheers.
Jen, Philippines.

Since you didn't say what you want to do, it's a little hard to answer your question. I would say that as long as you don't break the law, you should do what makes you happy. You never know when you won't be here.
If it involves a career choice, always do what makes you happy. If it could hurt someone else, you need to think about it. If it's not a good situation, I would suggest that you go for happiness.
Cat.


I can appreciate where you're coming from and I've thought about this many times. One thing I've learned in life is that extremes are not usually healthy or good, even when they claim to be. Balance in life is so important. I'm always cautious when I hear of a decision being based on a person's "happiness" because it infers that the decision has been made without taking anyone else into consideration. There are too many people that only think of themselves in this world. At the same time, when I hear of a decision being made based only on what is "right" I worry that the person has not thought of themselves at all, which is not good either. Stand up for yourself but in doing so, don't only think of yourself. Also, make sure that the happiness you see for yourself is actually happiness and not just a perceived easy way out of a situation. And make sure that the right thing is what you think is right, not what someone else thinks is right for you. Whatever decision you make just know that someone will end up being hurt and/or offended (either you or someone else) and realize that you can't make everyone happy. Above all, make sure you show only love to those involved, including yourself. I hope you can find your answers and wish you the best of luck.
Carrie.

Thanks to all those who replied to this week's question. Remember, Team Oracle is open to anyone so if you fancy replying, click to read this week's, and send us your answer.



March 6, 2015 / submitted by The Oracle, United Kingdom
Q.  WHO'D LIKE TO JOIN TEAM ORACLE?

As you may know, we have a weekly feature, Team Oracle, whereby each Friday we open questions of a personal nature to all of you to answer too. Then, the following Friday, I post a selection of the best answers, alongside my own reply.

ANYONE can join in so, if you'd like to, please email your response to the following question, in no more than 250 words, to theoracle@coldplay.com before midnight Thursday 12 March.

Dear Oracle, my question is: How do you deal with your past? Lately I've been thinking about some memories wondering what would it be like now if it was different before? It's not that I blame myself because there's nothing I could've done as a child. As an adult, now I do everything that I can and wish but I regret about some things and way of living that didn't depend on me. I know that there's no going back, there's only present, but what do you do with emotions about past and wishing to turn back time and make things different? Do you think it's a destiny and there were no other options? Thanks for your replies! Love to all, Kamili, Croatia.

Look forward to reading your replies.

The Oracle.

Please email your replies with TEAM ORACLE in the subject line to theoracle@coldplay.com
Including your twitter address may result in a follow back.



February 27, 2015 / submitted by Carrie, United States of America
Q.  TEAM ORACLE QUESTION #206

Have you ever wanted to express to someone how much they mean to you and how grateful you are for them but there just aren't words that exist that will properly convey what you feel? What do you do?

TEAM ORACLE QUESTION #206

You show them. I'm wondering if you're meaning that you are overwhelmed by your feelings and struggle to articulate your words or if you genuinely feel so strongly that you think there aren't any words.
This probably won't surprise you but words don't often fail me. In my world, there are always words. Sometimes there are simply a few ("thank you") and sometimes that are many.
I like to write down thoughts and feelings. Maybe a poem right from the heart would do the trick?
There's a saying: actions speak louder than words. There might be a way for you to put your feelings into a gesture.
This person obviously means a lot to you, perhaps you could make something personal for them: a playlist, a memory book, photo book, a gift... something that shows your gratitude.
Over to you.

Ah, yes. Oh so many times. As a person who loves to speak in metaphors when expressing love and appreciation, sometimes I can't think up the right one, or find difficulty in getting my message over properly. Usually, I don't find it to be bothering enough because I find my way around it, but when I don't, I have to stick to actions as of course they speak louder than words. I express my feelings towards them by showing them how much I care instead of telling them. I look out for them, provide them with emotional support, and show them great appreciation when they are feeling low. However, you have to be careful with this, as too much can come off as clingy, or bloat their ego massively. I hope this helps. Love, Solaf.

Action speak louder than words.
Show the one you love how much they mean to you with how you treat them, how much time you spend with them. Give them a kiss, a hug (*Oracle's note: ask permission! O.) Write a song if you are a musician - instrumental if you fail for words for the lyrics. Surprise them with a present if you know what he / she likes very much.
Love from Germany. Maren.

Yes, I have felt this and then some many times. I'm not usually a shy person- I am loud, outspoken, And I'm not afraid to stand up for myself. Sometimes I even speak just to know I'm not being ignored.
That being said, I am very quiet at times when I just don't know what to do, like when I want to express gratitude for someone who means the world to me. I met someone, who changed my life, and now - almost two years later - he has no idea how much I care about him. The most I've ever said is, "Thanks for, well, everything."
As to what to do about this, the answer could not be more clear- just tell them how you feel. This, of course, is a given. Sometimes, I guess, it feels weird just saying, "Thank you for..." whatever, because, well, it just is. More often than not, I trip over my words just to order food, let alone voice my deepest gratitude for someone I really care about! But, like most situations, the waiting is the worst part. You will feel so much better after you've said some kind of thanks. Victoria.


I know also some-one Who means a lot to me, and yes it's really not easy to express in words how much that person means to me, he was in my live when I was 13 years old he was the only person I trust, he was like a father to me, at that moment I was feeling my self alone and had the feeling that it was me against the world, but he shows me that the world was not that dark that it looks like so I guess that sometimes you don't have the words to explain how much some-one means to you, you feel it in you're heart and believe me he / she knows.
Greetzz Marianne.

Once again a lovely question. My mind races but a simple answer will suffice. Sometimes gestures need not be grand or lavish to get our point across. What matters is not what we say but HOW we say it, or the context of saying it. Look deep in your heart and ask how you feel. Try not to edit it, or worry about how corny it may come across. I am reminded of a previous answer I gave on this site, in which my daughter thanked me and her simple words meant far far more. Sometimes it is hard to put our true feelings into words but a heart bursting with gratitude is not easily hidden and our emotions and body language will all convey what we may feel we have left unsaid. I feel this way about Coldplay how do you thank talented artists for bringing passion and joy to your life? I feel unable to convey it but I hope they know this soul has a much richer life because of it. Best wishes to you and take care, Laurie.

I have to admit that your question is a question I put myself many times over the years.
The thing is, if you feel something for someone like, love for a guy or love for a friend or family, you have to say it.
I'll tell you something, 3 years ago, my grandfather died and I haven't got the chance to say to him how much I loved him and that broke my heart. Since that day, I always say to my family how much I love them and I do the same for my friends as well because you never know. It might be the first time you see someone or the last time and you don't have to regret that you didn't say something. I proved myself a year ago that I can speak my heart by telling the guy I loved that I truly love him and even though nothing happened between us, I am so happy that I was able to lift off that weight over my shoulders.
You should do the same. Be Strong and Confident, if you truly love someone with all your heart, tell that person so you won't regret it later like me.
Learn from mistakes and be brave.
Take care of you!!
Lots of Love from Romania!
Madalina.

Maybe you can express how you feel by showing them a song. Carolyn.

I think what you could do is write to that person. I personally love writing because I find it a lot easier to express what I feel clearly, it also actually helps me to clear things out in my mind. What I would suggest you is to write a letter but without thinking too much about what you are doing or saying, just be honest and say what's in your heart. Let the words flow through you - be relaxed and have a calm mind and it will come by itself. And even if you can't really express what you feel properly with words - as those things are really things that you actually have to feel - even saying that will have an impact and has a true meaning. And hopefully the other person will feel the same towards you and will understand what you are talking about. Trust yourself and trust the person you love and his understanding. But if you really feel like you have to tell him/her, do it, really.
With Love, Chloe.

If you don't have words,then use actions. Make some surprise to a person. Buy something that he or she needs or plan some trip to some special place. Do whatever that person would like you to do. But may be the hardest would be to find those words of gratitude, so you should do it if you feel thankful and full of love. That person probably doesn't know the reasons of your gratitude. I mean maybe he/she knows your feelings and love but can't assume that he/she has done for you so much. I think that we never know why we are important to close people. They never say the facts about us and we don't say it to them. Friendships, family relationships and even romantic relationships are taken for granted sometimes in sense that we don't express our love and gratitude by words and facts about persons. Everyone needs to hear why he is special and what qualities he has, no matter how close we are and how understandable that thing is. So find the words and tell or write a letter, every memory of that person, action, quality. I'm sure he/she would be happy to hear that. There's a song in my language which says:"You're better than me, you're better, even when you're worse, you're better. You're better then me, you're better. I'm not ashamed to tell that you're better." We should use these words sometimes. Love, Kamili

When the words do not exist, then perhaps you could try to express yourself in a different way. Whether it is through music, art or even human touch/embrace. I don't know what this person's relationship is to you, but sometimes all it takes is your physical presence. Sometimes, you just need to be there. Don't underestimate the power of something as simple as a genuine loving embrace. Barbara.

Thanks to all those who replied to this week's question. Remember, Team Oracle is open to anyone so if you fancy replying, click to read this week's, and send us your answer.



February 27, 2015 / submitted by The Oracle, United Kingdom
Q.  WHO'D LIKE TO JOIN TEAM ORACLE?

As you may know, we have a weekly feature, Team Oracle, whereby each Friday we open questions of a personal nature to all of you to answer too. Then, the following Friday, I post a selection of the best answers, alongside my own reply.

ANYONE can join in so, if you'd like to, please email your response to the following question, in no more than 250 words, to theoracle@coldplay.com before midnight Thursday 5 March.

I'm debating whether to do what I know is right or what makes me happy. I would appreciate your wise advice. Thank You. Pam, USA.

Look forward to reading your replies.

The Oracle.

Please email your replies with TEAM ORACLE in the subject line to theoracle@coldplay.com
Including your twitter address may result in a follow back.



February 25, 2015 / submitted by Kamili, Croatia
Q.  Dear Oracle,I'm fascinated by the fact that you've been replying to people's problems every Friday for so many years. It motivates me and it's such wonderful thing. It made me wonder if would be possible that each of the band members reply for example once a year,so we'd have 4 answers a year from them? Thanks,bye! :-) Kamili

That's a lovely thing to say; Team Oracle is one of my favourite things.
I'm not likely to write a song on their album anytime soon so I'm afraid they won't be entering into the agony Uncle role. I jest but no, that's not going to happen.
Phil & Anchorman have contributed to a couple of end of year ones before.



February 20, 2015 / submitted by Ewart, United States of America
Q.  TEAM ORACLE QUESTION #205
My family is currently going through a dire financial situation. My dad owns a business that barely pulls in any revenue, so he can't pay the business taxes to the IRS. We have encouraged him to get another job for years now, but he has been very stubborn. We have been barely making it by.
Recently, we discovered that my dad hasn't paid his business taxes since the 2011 tax day. Our mom has been going through lots of mental and emotional turmoil. She is an elementary school teacher with full credits and a dual Master's Degree, but as a teacher, she doesn't pull in much money. She actually also tutors on top of that.
I have two younger brothers, and this financial tension has been very hard on our family of five.
Recently, we received a voice mail from the IRS that said that they're going to file a law suit against us due the fact that my dad hasn't been paying his business taxes. My mother feels that a divorce is inevitable, but she doesn't know what to do. The IRS will take money out of her pay check, even though she doesn't own the business, or has never associated herself with it.
Oracle, I need advice terribly. I am still in high school. I am going to college in a few years, and this stress has been making my grades slip. Please provide advice not only for me, but for my entire family.
Oracle, I'm not allowed to ask anyone else for advice on this matter. I can't confide in my friends, the guidance counselor at my school, not even my Pastor. You're all I've got. Thank you.

This is tricky because ultimately this is not your problem but of course you are immensely affected by it.
I can't really offer the entire family advice because it's going to take specialist advice.
Your parents need to tackle the problem head on and sit down with someone to work out how they are going to pay the money and over what period. It doesn't matter whether your Mum has anything to do with the business directly; as his wife, they're in it together - that's the whole point of being in a marriage. Divorce might not change that financial obligation either but that's something your Mum needs to find out. It's her decision.
Please don't be too hard on your Dad. I know you think he's been stubborn but perhaps he was being passionate about his business and trying his best. He hasn't done this deliberately. Lots and lots of people have been in the same place as your family and they find solutions because solutions are available.
My concern here is you. You say you are not allowed to ask anyone for advice. I understand why your parents don't want their private financial situation discussed but you need to have the support you need. I suggest you DO talk to someone (other than me). Your school counsellor and pastor are bound by confidentiality so they wouldn't repeat what you discuss.
Worrying is not going to help anyone or anything so work on ways to stop. Concentrate on your studies. Write a schedule for your work and stick to it. Take regular breaks and perhaps use relaxation techniques to stay calm & focussed.
Talk with your family about how you feel - it's not healthy to keep it bottled up and will possibly cause more worry.
Hang in there because there is light at the end of the tunnel.
Over to you.

I'm so sorry that you seem to have the family's financial troubles on your shoulders. It's a lot to carry for someone so young, and you should not have to carry this burden. First off, the IRS does not call people. They send letters. There are many scams out there involving people making phone calls and claiming to work for the IRS.
I am older than you, and it's not easy to deal with financial troubles at any age. I know that you are worried about your parents, but worrying isn't going to help. The best thing that you can do is to get your grades back up, and let your parents deal with the money troubles. Your slipping grades will make your mom start worrying about you too. Your dad is probably feeling a bit stubborn to admit that his business isn't as successful as he'd like it to be.
You are not alone. There are many families having financial troubles. You would probably be surprised to know that many of your classmates may be in the same situation. My best advice is for you to concentrate on your grades. Let your parents worry about the money troubles. Find some ways to escape to relieve your stress. Music, reading, and exercising are great ways to relieve stress. You may want to try to talk to someone, you trust, about your worries. I wish you and your family the best. Cat.


I can't say I know exactly how you feel, but I can somewhat relate. My father spent his entire life spending all his income on his siblings rather than on us, and now he is regretting it, trying to make worth of the few years that he will remain employed before he hits the big 65. So we basically have to constantly worry about whether we will have enough money to pay for a proper college. With all this going on in your life, you really need to focus on your studies and try not to think about anything else. I know it is hard when realities are being shoved down your throat constantly, but your grades are the only thing that will get you places so that you don't have to worry about finance anymore. Try your hardest to be compassionate with your family, because someone has to be strong for all of you. Talk to your mother about their marriage, how they should stand together through thick and thin, and try and listen to your siblings if they have any complaints. It will be difficult, but the harder it gets, the sooner ease will come. You just have to let things run their course, and eventually you will adapt. You will be fine, just be strong and try and hold your family together. Love, Solaf.

I really must applaud you're commitment to your family, especially with keeping the affairs you're in quiet. God knows when I found myself in similar situations, I'd blabber about it to just about everybody and anybody I could. The thing is, I think talking about this is the best thing your family can do, now. Your biggest focus right now needs to be your studies, same for your siblings. And I think the best way you can refocus yourself is by telling your parents that this situation is distracting you. It may seem like it at times, but none of this is your fault, and your education isn't what's causing your family's difficulties.
I cannot give your family any financial advice, but looking at it from his perspective, I think your father is having a problem admitting he can't handle this situation himself. That's not a bad quality about him, at all, but it's extremely difficult to admit you need help, and I can only imagine how harder it must be when you're trying to support a family. My best advice for you would be to confront your family about how hard this is affecting you. You might feel like you're alone in this situation, but you'll always have your family, even through this dark time.
I'll pray for the best for you and your family during this hard time.
Bradley H.


I think I can relate to you problems because I work with people in financial troubles and I've been through the same thing recently. My mom also owns her own business and for years it went really well until a few years ago. Things went downhill and we had to put more money into the business then we got out of it. Please don't be too hard on your dad for not getting another job, when you've invested a lot of time and money into making your own business work, it becomes your project and itâ??s hard to let go. The reason the IRS can take money from your mom as well is because your parents are probably married 'in community of property' which means that everything they have/own is combined, including debts. When your parents were young everyone married in community of property, but I advise against it for obvious reasons. Your parents have to seek professional help from a social worker who specializes in finances. They will try to strike a deal with the IRS to pay off the debts gradually and avoid lawsuits. They will also help your dad with what to do next. Maybe your parents could also try marriage counselling? Most important of all, I know itâ??s hard but the best thing you can do to help, is not to add to your parents worries. That means try your best to improve your grades and to make it to college. Good luck! Amanda.

You are about to start your own life and now you have to deal with your parents problems. This is so hard, and I wish I could tell you it's going to get better, but I can't guarantee that. Here's the good news. You are going to college soon. There you can be whoever you want to be. Finances can work themselves out, but YOU have to take care of you. Whatever your parents decide to do, you have try as hard as you can to separate yourself from it. You are your own person, you do not have to let their decisions and mistakes control your life. I've been in a situation where I've had to separate myself from a parent. It's the hardest thing I've ever done. I love them dearly, but for my own well being, I had to step back and let them figure it out. It is not your job to fix them, although we want to try. Remember that they are your parents, and even though you don't have to like them all the time, they did raise you. You must acknowledge and appreciate that, okay? Take a deep breath, turn on some Coldplay (because love), and maybe take a walk. Journal. Do something to get your frustrations out, try not to take it out on them. They want to be perfect for you, but they're human. They more than likely love you deeply and care a lot about your future. I know you're probably feeling a lot, but try your best not to make them feel worse, because it will only help you for a little while, and it will just cut them deeper.
Stay strong, okay? You are amazing and you are going to make. Smile.
Sue USA.


Your situation is hard and complicated, but not impossible.
It must be hard for you as a child to go through stuff like that, I believe you. I myself know people in situations like yours and I know how it is for them and I truly understand how it must be for you.
The thing is, you are the kid in the family, so you can't do much, but to hope. In times of trouble hope is all you have and is all you need. Support your family if you can, try and make them laugh and be there for them when they need that.
You said something about a divorce, I had that fear too a few months ago, my parents were arguing all the time and I saw mom more and more, well not mom. I used to cry myself to sleep and that was not good. In this case, I advice you to talk to them, I did the same and they assured me that they would never divorce because they love each other and they love me.
This is my advice, talk to them about anything that makes you to worry, even though parents are parents, they can still be your friends. Another option would be a psychologist but I personally don't like them, but if it helps, then it must be good to you.
I hope my answer helped and I wish you all the love and luck in the world!
Lots of love from Romania.
Madalina.

You should open up to your parents. They've been taking care for you for whole life and they won't let you alone and homeless now. You are so scared, of course, maybe you've never experienced such problems before, but there is always some solution. Take courage and tell them your feelings. They'll try everything to help you and to see problems and solutions from your point of view. Many families face the same problems, just don't be frightened because it can't help you. Focus on your studying, let your parents be adults and solve things but also tell them your feelings and ask them how you can help them.
Think about finding some part time job and also open up to friends, teachers, pastors; many of them have faced the same sometimes in their life. They could give you smart advice. I wish you to be wealthy, but many countries, including mine, are poor and we are used to that way of life. You always find some way if your mind is clear and strong, so work on that and the rest will come to you! "I wanna live in a wooden house where making more friends would be easy, I wanna live where the sun comes out..." With love, Kamili.


It sounds like an overwhelming situation for someone your age, Ewart. It's very tough when you're that young and your family has the kind of trouble you cannot directly help to solve. There are some things you can do to help your family go through this and show them your support. Maybe you could get a part-time job (as far as it doesn't interfere with school). It could contribute to relieving your family's financial situation a little bit. As you are the eldest brother, you can also help your siblings with their homework in case they need it, drive them home, etc. (that would be very helpful for your mum). But most important: you can prevent your siblings and yourself from listening to your parents fighting by taking them to other room or outside.
You need to take care of yourself too. Don't interfere if your parents are having a discussion. Don't take sides with any of them, even though you may strongly feel like doing it. This is something that affects your entire family but that's up to your parents to solve. You can only do small things to help.
Regarding your friends, are you sure there's no one you can confide in? Maybe you're being hard on them. You need some emotional support to face this and having someone to talk to at times would be great.
Have faith that this situation will eventually be over. I wish you the best, Ewart. Noelia, Argentina.


Thanks to all those who replied to this week's question. Remember, Team Oracle is open to anyone so if you fancy replying, click to read this week's, and send us your answer.



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