December 6, 2013 - submitted by Migle, Lithuania
Q. TEAM ORACLE QUESTION #147
I'm 17 year old girl and I've never had a boyfriend. I've never felt that I need one, but now I start feeling lonely and I feel that I need someone to love. Two weeks ago I met a boy and I really like him. He is really into me. He texts, calls me every day and often tells me compliments. He asked me out on a date two times, but both times I told him that I had no time. Actually, I was afraid. I have an orthodontic device in my mouth called Herbst Appliance, which looks scary to every boy (and girl). It is not visible when the mouth is closed, but when I open it's oh God, that looks really scary and ugly. I tried kissing and both boys did not feel it (I think). I know that he will kiss me if I go on a date with him. I just don't know what should I do. Maybe I should show it to him before he kisses me in case he feels it by himself or sees it when I laugh with a wide smile and I will scare him or then he will find me ugly or it will be a shame for him to kiss with me and etc. What should I do? He is the best guy I have ever met.
By the way, love Coldplay and greetings.
The Oracle replies:
Firstly, don't let not having a boyfriend make you feel lonely. You don't "need" one; you want one. That's fine but you've got plenty time to fall in love.
This boy you like likes you for who you are. I'm sure he won't give a hoot about your Herbst Appliance. He's probably already aware of it and it's not put him off. Go on a date and if you do kiss, try to relax and work around it. If it's a problem, I'm sure you can both practise at getting it right ;-)
You won't have the device forever and just think of how beautiful your kissable mouth will be when it's removed!
Some very cool people wear braces. Look at Betty Suarez! Oh and one last thing, when I first met Chris Martin, he wore a brace.
Go on that date, Migle!
Over to you.
Your personality, intelligence, and kindness are what attracted this young man and it sounds as if you have the foundation for a good relationship.
Be honest and simply enjoy your date. I read up on the Herbst Appliance and you should be done with it one day. If this boy is "driven away" by something like that, you're better off to lose him.
However, just give him a chance! People with wonderful relationships don't have perfection. What you think is a big deal may not matter so much to another person. Everyone is self-conscious about what they perceive is an imperfection. A beautiful woman will eventually age.
If she's true, wants to work through the difficult times, and is a good person, that's what will keep her boyfriend or husband with her.
You'll be done with your device at some point, and if someone is not accepting of you as you are, they're not right for you.
Try not to enter a relationship based on deceit, try to be with someone you like as they are, and expect the same in return. Work through your problems, love yourself, and love your partner. From what I see, you're a lovely young lady and deserve the best.
"Fix You" is my favorite song, but it isn't titled "Change you into
somebody you're not!" Good luck! Kimberly.
I think the best you can do is telling him about the brace. First of all if he really likes you he don't matter, if he don't accept it then he don't deserve you! And beauty comes from the inside, remember that always! The daughter from my Sis has the same in the past and she is also a pretty girl so I really believe you are also very pretty!!! Wanna wish you all the love and luck in the world, you can do it!! Greets Marianne.
Being a teenager, it is very hard to have good self confidence, even without any braces or Herbst Appliance as you have, so I understand that you feel insecure for it. When I had braces my own confidence were down on level zero so I know what you mean. But that doesn't imply that it should be like that. I wish you will believe me that in most cases girls make small problems bigger than they are. Boys often don't even notice the things we see as a problem, or don't get why it would be a problem. Frankly, go out on a date with that boy if you believe him to be a nice guy! Because if he really is nice, your hesitation on saying yes will seem ridiculous afterwards. If he do mind about such a shallow thing, he is not good enough for you. Hanna.
This might be hard but....just tell him! You can just do it in a text if that's easier. If he truly likes ( Loves ) you he won't care. If he is a wimp and doesn't say anything then he's crazy :) Just because you have something in your mouth doesn't mean you're no different from any one else. I looked up a Herbst Appliance and it's not that scary... I promise! I bet you are still beautiful! And if he likes you enough to call or text you everyday I don't think a small Herbst Appliance is going to change anything.
Hope I helped! Mollie U.S.A.
I know this is a tough situation but I think you should tell him about your brace. Maybe not face to face because that could be awkward but maybe via text or any messaging service. This would then reduce awkwardness within your meeting. It would also determine whether it affects his thoughts about you. If he really did like you that much, it wouldn't bother him but if it does, then it shows that he's not such a good person as it seems.
Hope I could've helped! Kate, U.K.
I would tell the guy and show him previously to the event of their date and them thinking about kissing. It's only fair that you don't hide these things from someone that your interested in. He should know before hand. The only reason saying this is you don't want to catch him off guard or anything when he first kisses you if he feels it in your mouth. He may then panic and not meaning to come off as a bad person out of being surprised and leave but it's possible. I would show him before the date. If it was meant to be and he has a true heart and really cares about you. You will still indeed get to kiss him.
Sounds like you've found an amazing guy, congratulations! If he asks you out again, don't be scared to accept the offer. You can try to work the topic into the conversation, or just show it to him. I know it seems scary to do so, but if he is really into you (which is definitely the case when a guy asks you out.. TWICE!) I really don't think he'll mind the brace at all. Don't let it hold you back, you deserve to have a great time with the guy you like.
Good luck! Ellen.
If you're looking for a serious relationship right now it'd be important that he likes you for what you are. If he finds you unattractive because you're looking out for your health, you really shouldn't have a committed and serious relationship with him. Cheers, Jay.
I think that the girl should love herself first, she has to accept herself, everyone is beautiful, even her. And I think that the guy that loves her, should accept her the way she is! And talking about her illness, that's not a big deal, she should be thankful to receive the gift of life! And accept herself! Living happy everyday, loving everyone, and respecting the way she was made. I think that's all, hope you to pick my answer. Lots of love- Ximena.
Firstly, as an 18 year old girl, I feel your pain when it comes to feeling pressurized into falling in love and having a boyfriend. As you've mentioned this one boy in particular being into you, I have a sense that the feelings between the boy and yourself are mutual? It's great that he's complimenting you and making you feel really special. In the case of the object in your mouth, just let him know casually! If you make it a big deal by telling him then he will presume that it's a big thing that he needs to worry about; which he really doesn't need to worry about! If he's unwilling to accept that then well maybe he just isn't the right guy for you.
Hope this helps. Anna.
First of all, congratulations on having a boyfriend. It's nice to have a special someone. My recommendation is to get a pic of a girl wearing braces
and get your friends to help you come up with a neat way to introduce your braces to him, written on paper or online along with the pic. Make sure there are a few compliments about him at the start.
Then show him it.
His answer , if positive, will then give you confidence to be vulnerable and show him your braces. Then a brief hug and let him make the next move.
Good luck to you, Michael.
I'd say be honest. If he's a good person, he won't hold it against you at all. It's not something that should affect anything while dating, and sounds like it will be out by the time you get to know him well if you two decide to keep dating. I wish you luck! Eric.
Don’t worry, Migle. This boy seems to be really interested in you and I don’t think he has not noticed at all your orthodontic brace. It is a temporable thing and important for your health. Just to “show” it probably could spoil a romantic moment, though a little preparation before your first kiss could be helpful. For sure you will talk about this and that, then you both could talk about things you don’t like or you find uncomfortable. Mention your brace, you could tell if you have to wear it day and night, how long this treatment will take…
However see it as a chance to be slow and careful with your first tries of kissing. To reach this pleasure more step by step could even make it more exciting. It’s only important to let him know your feelings, don’t tell him excuses because of your shyness. Telling him you don’t have time could spoil his interest with good cause and you would regret it. To show him you would want to kiss him but you don’t know how to do it only would encourage him. Have fun with the kisses! L.Q.
It sounds like you have a very nice guy that would be perfect for your first boyfriend. I think you should show him your device before going on your date, because if he is really the kind of guy you are looking for, he won't mind at all! if he does, obviously he's not for you. A good guy would just never judge you or consider you less beautiful just because of an orthodontic device. Best wishes, Claire, USA.
The best advice that I can give you is tell him first that you have a Herbst Appliance and if he asks "what is that?" show it to him and maybe explain why you need it. Do not feel embarrassed about it. I am 16 and I used to have really ugly braces but I didn't let that stop me and it shouldn't stop you from going for it. Also I think if this boy truly likes you it shouldn't matter to him that you have a Herbst Appliance. Roxane.
First of all I googled Herbst Appliance and I think it's not so scary as you explained. I've already seen loads of people who have something like this in their mouths and I have to add that I also had orthodontic device. You just wear it for a certain time and then you have beautiful teeths and I'm sure a beautiful smile as well. As the boy likes you and your character too I think kissing won't be a problem. Always remember he likes you for your character and look and not for the orthodontic device in your mouth.If you are afraid that this might be obstacle you should talk with him about it that you're scared of what he thinks (maybe already before the date) but I'm pretty sure he'll understand it. Greetings, Veronika.
I think you should talk about it to him. If he doesn't like it he's not worth you. It's not so bad and it's just temporary. If he'd like to kiss you it shouldn't be a problem for him. Love, Nicole.
I think, you should follow your heart. If you like someone, and you could feel that he likes you too, then go for it! Love is a beautiful thing. And no one wants to be lonely. And you should be glad that you could see that he also likes you, otherwise he wouldn't try to invite you out. Having herbst appliances in your mouth is not an ugly thing. Everybody will understand that. And some even find it cute and charming. So, there is nothing to be shy or ashamed of. Therefore, if you don't want to be lonely then tell him that you're very sorry when he invited you out and you couldn't, even though you really like to go out with him. So, you want to make it up again by asking him out yourself, or, tell him when you have time to go out, and if he's also free that time then it would be lovely to go out together. Don't be shy. You are still young. Just enjoy life and be honest. And you'll be fine".
Yours sincerely Buppha.
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