June 14, 2013 - submitted by Julia, United Kingdom

Q. Dear Oracle,

My relationship with my boyfriend is starting to fall apart. We hardly talk any more and we used to be really close. Now whenever we have a conversation, everything is boring and awkward, and now I'm starting to become afraid of talking to him at all. It hard for us to even see each other because we live so far away. Please help me, I don't want to lose him...

Best wishes, Julia


The Oracle replies:

Julia it sounds like you are desperately clinging to what the relationship was and what you want it to be again. I can understand that but sometimes you have to accept the change may mean the end :-(

I will assume you have tried talking to him. If you haven't that is the first thing you must do. Because of the distance, perhaps you could Skype and encourage him to tell you how he feels - rather than demand explanations - for the change in behaviour.
It could be that he's going through some personal issues that are affecting your relationship, maybe he's struggling with the distance or it could be - and I am sorry to be blunt - that he doesn't want to be in the relationship any longer and does not know how to tell you.

I want to direct your attention to how you described the current state of your relationship by removing the superfluous and concentrating on the nitty gritty:
My relationship with my boyfriend is starting to fall apart.
We hardly talk any more.
We used to be really close.
Whenever we have a conversation, everything is boring and awkward.
I'm starting to become afraid of talking to him at all.

Now, I know you love him but I have to say, this doesn't sound like much of a relationship and certainly not one worth staying in or trying to save. Perhaps only you know that but all I will say is, break-ups are rotten and they hurt (not like heaven) but... sometimes they are necessary. Being happy is the main thing and at the moment it doesn't sound like either of you are so maybe a break is the way forward and see what happens from there.
Don't worry though, whatever happens, you're not alone!

THERE IS NO NEW TEAM ORACLE TODAY (14th) BUT WATCH OUT FOR NEXT WEEK'S QUESTION ABOUT LOVE & TRUST.