June 15, 2012 - submitted by DG, United States of America
Q. TEAM ORACLE QUESTION #75
I hope you can give me some advice. I've decided I want a small, subtle tattoo, but my boyfriend finds them "dirty and unattractive" and he thinks any woman with a tattoo is gross. Obviously I want him to be attracted to me, but at the same time, my body belongs to me and only me, and I'd like to put a little artwork on it. Do you think it would really jeopardize my relationship? What should I do?! D.G.
The Oracle replies:
Personally I like tattoos on other people though do not have any myself and never would have. Partly because I hate needles and pain and partly because I don't think I'd look so good when I am in my 70s with one or more on my wrinkly bod!
That's MY opinion and choice not to. I wouldn't care what anyone else thought. If I wanted one, I would. It's that simple to me. It's my body. I'll shave my head if I want, dye my hair green (once it grew back) if I want, I'll pierce my ears several times - and other body parts - if I want.
If a tattoo is a make or break issue in your relationship I have to say I don't think much of its foundations.
Maybe try a temporary one forst to see how he reacts and how you feel about it. I don't know how old you are or even if that's relevant but do think carefully before making a lifelong commitment - with the tattoo, not the boy.
To call a tattoo dirty is simply ridiculous. Fair enough if he doesn't like them but they're not dirty.
He should be attracted to you despite a small inking and personally if he isn't, I'd get it done anyway and tell him to sling his hook!
One last thing, if you're getting a word, make sure they spell it right!
Over to you.
Funny you bring this up, because I was meeting my father for lunch, last week, and the girl at the counter had a tattoo of a bird's silhouette with "Ave" written under it in cursive. So, I decided to tell her that I thought it was lovely. Her face lit up when I told her this, but after my father and I sat down, my father said that her tattoo would hold her back in life, at which I disagreed. You see, some people, like my father and your boyfriend, consider tattoos as a blemish on one's skin. The Christian Bible compares the body to a temple to be preserved, and many people hold that to heart, however, I say, why not decorate this temple?
Your body is most certainly yours, and not your boyfriends, and if he feels this strongly about them, it could be putting your relationship at risk, however, if he feels even stronger about you, then you could change his opinion about tattoos altogether.
The decision is yours, and I wish you the best possible outcome.
You are quite right, it is in fact your body. You don't say how long you have known your boyfriend, how serious your relationship is therefore I am concerned that you are contemplating letting him rob you of your individuality and your ability to make decisions. Having said all that there are some considerations ..why do you want a tattoo?? Is it to feel a certain way about yourself? After you accomplish that remember the tattoo remains. It may be wise on your part to talk to a friend who has been "tatted" and ask them how they feel about it now. A small tat is not a problem, as it can easily covered up for special occasions. I myself am struggling with this, having wanted to get a small one to mark a turning point in my life, as luck would have it funds for the tat have not been plentiful and I am still without it. It seems a lot less important to me now. Life changes but a tattoo remains and is very expensive to remove. If you do decide to get one make sure you choose a reputable salon which practises safe sterile techniques. As for your boyfriend he will just have to live with the decision you make about your own body, take care , Laurie.
Your body is yours and yours alone and no one has the right to tell you what you can or can't do to it. I get the impression your boyfriend is trying to make you feel guilty or ashamed for your choices. Maybe he's afraid a tattoo will somehow "change" your personality or who you are but it won't. Of course having said that be sure you put serious thought and consideration into your decision since a tattoo is something you'll live with forever.
P.S Your boyfriend should be telling you that you're beautiful,that's what you deserve!
Good Luck, Eleanor,D.C USA.
Truthfully, if your boyfriend really loves you then he should most definitely not care if you have a tat (as long as it's not a tramp-stamp).
And yes, it is your decision, not his!
Don't let him make you second-guess yourself!
Wish u luck, Daemoiya Georgia,USA.
As you said your body belongs to you but think twice before making tattoo on it. Tattoos witness a fashion trend or a desire for originality which seems to be your case. But their final characters can create a sense of weariness or cause discomfort in social life particularly when sitting on parts as hands and forearms.
Your boyfriend just express its opinion with his own words. Honestly I share it, it's not sexy at all. If your relationship means a lot to you, which appears to be otherwise you wouldn't ask Oracle, you have to make compromises with him. Maybe you should gently involve him in the choice of the part of the body and the draw if your desire of tattoo is stronger than all. But first of all, it must be a thoughtful decision. Sincerely, Corinne.
I can't say whether it will jeopardize your relationship or not, but I definitely think it shouldn't. If he would let a small tattoo get in the way of your future together, well then he isn't even worth your time. We could all change ourselves according to what other people want us to be and think, but where would that get us? There would be no point in trying to find that special someone, if anyone could turn into them. Be yourself, don't change your opinions or desires for someone. Think of it this way, if it were the other way around, and he wanted you to get a tattoo even though you didn't, would you get it? You said yourself that it's your body. You should get it if you want to. He should be alright with whatever you choose. Hope this helps. Love, Darem.
Not that it's any of my business but I'm now wondering what the tattoo is of, how small and where you are thinking of putting it. I don't think tattoos suit everyone and I hear they're pretty addictive. If you're absolutely sure you want to permanently mark your skin with something, go ahead and do what you want. Lucy.
I understand your concern but bottom line is that it is your body and your choice to do with it want you want. Your boyfriend should not determine what you do or don't with something like that. Especially if it is small and meaningful then it shouldn't be a big deal. Your boyfriend should love you for who your are not what you look like. Good luck! Joseph S.
Well I have to agree with your boyfriend on that. So say you get this tattoo, and 50 years go by and when you are saggy and baggy you will regret getting that tattoo. So if you really want "Body Art" give yourself a sharpie tattoo. Then you can change it when the other one is off. And you can put it somewhere your boyfriend won't see it so you both win! Hope I helped!
Get the tattoo! If it's something that you feel that you want to adorn your body with, then I say go for it. We can't satisfy our significant others all the time, and there are certainly a lot worse things that you could do to upset him. While I personally would never ever get a tattoo, I know that if my significant other chose to get a tattoo, I would be very supportive of their choice, and your boyfriend should be supportive of your choice too. If something about your outside appearance is bothering him so much that it would jeopardize your relationship, chances are it's not a relationship worth continuing. Be warned though: tattoos are permanent, and take care of where you get it. Best of Luck, Nayan. USA.
I will try to keep my opinions out of it, (I'm LDS, and proud of it), and put it to you straight; He has a standard of something he believes is wrong and terrible to get. This could go on for a whole lot of opinions he could have on things in the world. It is something he sets his vision and mind on, and uses to find people. Tell me, would you rather talk to someone who looks casual, good looking, nice and combed, or to someone who looks like they woke up from bed, and walked outside in their undershirt and jeans anyways? You would always pick the person that seems stronger, more caring in life. I'm not saying people who have tattoos don't care, but I'm just saying what other people judge when they choose to go either talk to someone with or without a tattoo. I know that is looks like a bunch of "Twisted Logic", (I could do this all day!) but it is true in this world. Personally, my standards are probably a lot stronger against it and other things like it then your guy friends'. But, as for the main advice, here's the question you need to ask. Is it worth keeping a friend or having a bit of paint on your arm? Hope you choose wisely, your friend, J.
Your body should be yours to decide, the truest feelings of what you should do come from your heart and from foresight. Where do you see yourself with him in a month? a year? 10 years? A tattoo is permanent besides expensive procedures to remove them, if he truly has emotions for you then physical appearances should be only a factor and not a justification for a relationship. Overall, what the entire question resolves down to is how do you feel about the tattoo, and what is TRULY important in your relationship. Aaron.
It sounds like you already made your decision! It's your body and you can do whatever you like. I can understand your boyfriend's concern, as tattoos by themselves (and where they are inked on the body) have a tendency to lend negative stereotypes about the person. However, I'm sure he knows you well enough to know that you are not "dirty and unattractive". He should know a tattoo won't change that. Go ahead and go for it! Warm regards, Blake.
While I completely understand that you are hesitant to get the tattoo because of his disapproval, I think that you should get one if you really wish to. Keep in mind, though, that a tattoo is pretty permanent, so only get one if youíre a hundred percent sure you want it. If your boyfriend is truly supportive, he will eventually come around, so just ask for his love and support. At the end of the day, thatís what you should always give each other. Good luck! Medina.
Getting a tattoo is entirely up to you; as you mentioned it's your own body and you have the right to do what you want. It shouldn't matter what your boyfriend says, as you are your own individual person. If it's that big a problem for him, maybe you should have a proper talk with him, or explain to him that you are going to have this done whether he likes it or not, and if he chooses not, say how silly it is that something that small could jeopardise your relationship.
Remember tattoos are permanent, so be sure in yourself you want it before having it done. Meg.
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