July 1, 2011 - submitted by Sam, United States of America

Q. TEAM ORACLE QUESTION - #31

"I'm a 16 year old guy, living in the US, and recently I've been really down on myself. I do well in school, I have a good family, and good friends. The only thing that I feel is missing is a girl. This feels so juvenile, but I'm scared to make any sort of move! Please, precious Oracle, give me some advice, anything that will help me to gain some confidence in my interactions with the fairer sex! Sam."


The Oracle replies:

It doesn't sound juvenile at all; it sounds perfectly natural for a guy your age. However, it was SO great to see you talk about the positives in your life that I can't help simply saying "don't worry". Confidence around girls will come with time. I think if you meet someone you really like, just be yourself and get to know them. If they make you feel at ease, the next step should feel very natural if a little daunting and scary. Any girl worth having will like you for who you are so don't be put off by any set-backs or possible rejections - we've all been there and that all helps us grow too. Confidence building could help but don't rush it, you've plenty time to get a girlfriend but for now, see girls as the same i.e., make friends with them, take an interest in what they do and say, hang out with them and even ask them for advice in taking it a step further. If it helps, I know people thrice your age who still struggle making the first move so you're not alone but if you like someone enough, be brave and go for it.
Over to you.

Greetings Sam. As we continue our journey into adulthood and long after, we're always looking for that special person in our lives. But don't worry, you will eventually find her, or she will find you. Never give up on love even if things look grim. Don't be afraid to make a move but start out slow, dont go full throttle and tell someone you love them. If there's a friend you wish to get to know better then start to talk to her more often if you dont already. I wish you the best Sam and have an epic summer. Billy N.

Sam, speaking as a 15 year-old girl living in the United States, I don't think you should be afraid to make the first move. However, I know that it's very hard to talk to someone of the opposite sex sometimes. Girls love it when guys make the first move! So psych yourself up, practice a little, if that helps, or talk to a girl you are friends with first before you talk to a girl that you like. Chances are, she won't treat you too harshly for making the first move. Alyssa.

Well the first thing is that you have to be grateful for your family, friends and all the love they always give you. Don't worry about love and girls now, you're so young! Now it's time to think about your plans, you'll win experience with time. If you are with a girl that you want, just be yourself, don't use a mask, and don't lie about your life. Don't expect love, it'll come by itself. I assure you. Good luck and take care! Irella.

It isn't juvenile!
Having said that, I'd like you to read what you've written again. "I do well in school, I have a good family, and good friends." - Wow! You obviously work towards doing well and Good friends aren't easy to have or keep. You have them - which means that you most definitely deserve them. That alone tells me that you are a fantastic catch Sam. Make a Move! Just believe that you deserve it and you'll have all the confidence in the world. And I'm sure your life won't be missing a girl much longer. Wishing you the Best, Su.

I was in your position. I'm 16, doing good in school, having good friends but no boyfriend. When a boy I know was "making a move", I jumped into it even though I didn't like him in "that" way.
Nothing ever happened but when it was about to happen I stopped him, feeling that it wasn't right.
He got a bit disappointed but now he has a girlfriend and we're still good friends.
I didn't miss having something with him, but I did miss having something. I made sure to take the chance when another boy made a move. We are now building something and it might just end up pretty well. So dare to take a chance, it might not be a happy fairytale every time. I was totally into a guy who seemed to like me before, but he didn't dare to take a chance and thereby broke both my heart and confidence. So be brave! If you can combine doing good in school with having friends then you're a "good catch". Girls love it when boys take the first step, keep your eyes open there might even be a girl waiting for you to make a move! Good luck, Lisa.


Don't think you are juvenile because you are afraid to make any sort of move. Talking to a girl you find attractive can be quite intimidating! This feeling is perfectly natural, so there's no need to worry. You should try to get to know her a little before asking her out. If she doesn't know you and you've never talked to her before, try finding common friends between the two of you. Gather up your common friends and hang out in a group setting so there's no pressure. Plus, having your own friends around will make you feel more comfortable around her. If you're much too shy, you can ease yourself into conversation with her with the banter that normally occurs between a group of friends. Or you can take a direct approach and introduce yourself, which will display more confidence and will make a lasting impression. Remember, confidence is key! Find common interests between the two of you and discover her interests. After you spend more time together, you will feel confident enough to ask her out! The most important advice I can give you is to simply be yourself. Don't change your personality or put on a show in hopes of a girl to like you. This will lead you into a false relationship with her, and she won't know the real you. You want a girl to be attracted to you because of who you are. Be yourself, and you can't go wrong! Blake.

Everybody aspires to find love. Loving and being loved is wonderful, but terrifying at first. Being a boy, you have the most challenging part of the deal, girls consider it your duty to take the first step. Study your feelings, anybody you like or keep thinking about ? You might not be aware of it ! But you shouldn't be desperate to find someone for the sake of being in a relationship ! If you come forth with a caring heart, any decent person should at least respond kindly. Show the girl she means something to you by taking notice, smiling at her, being interested in who she is, what she feels. If she didn't have any feelings for you, they might spark, if not, you'll have at least brightened her day. Everyone wants to be loved, so showing affection can only be positive. But we often believe it impossible for someone to actually be interested in us, for lack of self-confidence. You need to be sure of your strengths, be brave, even if you fail, you'll only get wiser - to quote our favourite band, "If you never try, you'll never know". So to sum up, be true, show you care, and work on the self-esteem of both of you. Good luck! There’s a girl out there waiting, willing to open her heart if you show you’ll take good care of it. Colleen.

Sam, it sounds like life is going pretty good for you. Just sit back, let God bring you a girl, and don't go looking for one. A girlfriend at 16 will probably just lead to heartbreak anyway. Good luck! Caleb.

If you have someone in mind, just ask them, tell them how you feel. Don't be afraid of making a move, if you never try, you'll never know. good luck and I hope that helped. Joseph.

I've just spent a year trying to figure out what I could do to make myself more confident to get a girl. At the end of that year I have learned that the best thing you can do is not worry about it. Dont change yourself at all to try and attract a girl or make yourself seem more confident. Be yourself and be confident in what you know about yourself and what you can do. That will attract a girl who likes you for you and not for someone that you faked to be. I almost forgot who I was, just dont want to see it happen again. Best of luck, Brayden D.

"You said you had good grades, good friends, and a good family. There are lots of people who don't have these things and would envy you. You should be very thankful that you have these things and not worry about not having a girl. You don't have to have a significant other to be happy. Even if that had some truth to it, you're only 16. You've got plenty of time to find a girl who's right for you. Enjoy life, live to the fullest, and be thankful for all the wonderful things that you have. Good luck, Sam. Violet.

You remind me so much of a boy I once knew, and that is in the absolute best way possible. You are the type of young man who has no idea of truly unbelievable they are. You recognize you have friends and family who care about you showing a great tie to the heart of life. Like this boy as well, you don't yet recognize the value and greatness in yourself. The greatest advice I can give to you is to just continue to be genuine, caring and appreciative of the people in your life. This will inevitably show through in your personality and will draw in the right kind of people, including a nice decent girl. It may not happen over night, but it will happen. Don't go looking desperately for it. It's like when you're looking for some item you lost in your room. If you look too hard you find absolutely everything else you didn't want to find, even though the item is probably right under your nose. Once you relax and stop looking so hard for it, it somehow just seems to cross your path. Stay true to you Sam and you'll end up just fine. Alisha-Marie.

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