December 10, 2010 - submitted by Tom, United Kingdom
Q. Q. TEAM ORACLE QUESTION - #3
"I went out with this girl for 2 years and we were absolutely in love. Then we had to move to two different schools and she broke up with me because she thought it would be too hard. She got a new guy like 2 weeks later but I feel like he's just a rebound. Anyway, it has been 2 months since we broke up and we are meeting to talk things over. I just need some advice on what to say or whether I should just let her go because to be honest, I still love her more than anything in the world. Thank you very much for the help. Tom"
The Oracle replies:
My interest is in you so whether your ex is on the rebound is none of my concern. Nor will it benefit you wondering if she was right and maybe it would have been too hard. However, if she is with someone else my initial reaction is to say, let her go. People talk about closure and wanting reasons why things didn't work out but you may never have any answers, or ones that make any sense to you.
Breaking up can be such a painful experience; it's hard as it was her decision too. Sadly Tom as it's only been two months and she has a new boyfriend, there's likely to be some more hurt.
I am keen to hand over to hear everyone's opinions as I don't wish to be too harsh and be the voice of rational reason, as I sometimes try, because right now you aren't in the place to hear that.
My only advice is to ask her if the relationship is truly over or if there's a chance of you getting back together. I'd urge you to be strong if she replies anything other than what you want to hear; don't wait around if she says she's not sure and needs more time for example. You have to try and move forward with your life, this does not mean you can't be sad - it's a natural healing process but know that you will love again and be loved by someone deserving of yours.
Over to the team...
Hmmm, reminds me of a song...Love Stinks.
I think it is encouraging that your ex-girlfriend will see you, but honestly, be prepared for a disappointment.
For your sake, I hope that I'm wrong,and that your meeting goes great, but I somehow doubt this to be the case.
Any person who is truly in love with you would never find anyone else in only 2 weeks. YIKES!
Just look in the mirror...you're still single! That alone should speak volumes to you.
I have a feeling that your brain is telling you that you should forget this one, but your heart doesn't want to let go.
It won't be easy to put this behind you, because you probably really do love her, but I think you have to let her go.
Love is a funny thing and one day she may come back. Who knows.
Time truly heals, but sometimes it hurts a lot until your heart feels like trying to love again.
I hope better days are ahead for you.
It seems like you still care for her and if you have both agreed to meet and talk things over, then she most likely still cares for you too. If you love her that much, then definitely don't turn her away. Tell her how you feel and speak from the heart and you can't go wrong!
This response comes from a hopeless romantic. I just wanted to say this... If you still love her and you're willing to fight for her then it will be worth it in the end. You should be completely honest with her when you talk to her. (Girls do like honesty). If she doesn't feel the way you do - well, then that's something you'll have to deal with then. But right now you have to risk it and just tell her how you feel and that you want her back. You have to live life with no regrets.
Best of luck!
Dear Tom, I can see that you still want to be with your ex-girlfriend, but I wouldn't advise it. There's not much chance for a relationship this early on in life to be the one that lasts, especially since your ex doesn't seem to be mature enough at this point to break up with you and rebound so quickly over different school! Although I have no experience with this, I do have faith in love, but love isn't always enough to make a relationship work. If you get back with her now it'll only be harder if you break up in the future. You've already been apart for two months, it will get easier to bear soon. You should do whatever will actually make you happy in the long run. Hope I helped and good luck. Jack, U.S.A.
That's really a hard position to be in. I think it's really important to ask her how she feels about you, because if her feelings have changed or aren't as strong, I think you would be happier with someone who loves you. Your love is a valuable thing, and if she isn't in love with you, it will hurt--but you have to let her go.
Thanks again everyone for your efforts.
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