Oracle
27 March 2015 / submitted by Ryan, United Kingdom
Q.  TEAM ORACLE QUESTION #210
At the moment I am dealing with some problems I have been having with my partner for two years now but sometimes I feel like it's not going where I want it to.
Recently I've met this one girl who is really sweet and kind.
The dilemma is who do I choose and why my partner blames me for a lot of silly mistakes and really loses her cool sometimes? What if this new girl is the same and then I'm left alone and unhappy?
Who do you choose? How about neither. Nobody is perfect but if you're having your head turned, your current partner probably isn't the one for you.
I wonder if your partner appeared sweet & kind when you first met.
Who knows if the new girl will end up being the same as your partner? She may, she may not. You can't know what will happen in the future but if you run away every time the flaws in someone show up or things get tough, you very well may end up alone. Alone doesn't mean you'll be unhappy & it could be just what you need.
I don't think you should necessarily jump from one relationship to another. You don't need to be in a relationship.
I think you should look at your current situation before making a decision.
Perhaps you're being blamed for silly mistakes because you're making them but don't like the consequences. Nobody likes to be nagged and your girlfriend might not enjoy nagging you. Ask yourself if you're being a little hard on her or vice versa.
Maybe she loses her cool out of frustration. Have you asked her why? Talk to her. She may be aware that you're not all that invested in the relationship and she's venting. Find out.
If you love her, put more effort in and communicate. If you think it's worth fighting for, cut all ties with the new girl. It isn't fair on your partner to string her along and equally it's not fair to keep the new girl dangling.
You don't say where you wanted the relationship to go but if you truly believe your relationship is over regardless of the new girl, end it sooner rather than later.
If you like them both and want to be with one of them but honestly don't know who to choose, I'm with Johnny Depp who said, "if you love two people at the same time, choose the second. Because if you really loved the first one, you wouldn't have fallen for the second."
Over to you.

Sometimes relationships don't always go how you want them to. That is completely fine. When you're in a relationship with someone for a long time you can get too comfortable and fall into a routine. It can lead to no excitement.Since the relationship can get a tad bit boring, people start to find flaws in tiny things and arguing brings a new kind of excitement with it. I say if you really love your partner, then give it another shot. Try new and exciting things to spruce up the relationship. But, if you truly aren't happy anymore, I say follow your heart. It can hurt someone, but at the end of the day your own happiness is what truly matter.
I wish you the best of luck .
Sincerely, Genesis.

That's a bit of a toughy, but I will try my best. See, if you still feel a spark that's worth fighting for in your current relationship, then try and fix it. Talk to her about it, ask her (nicely, because people who are easily ticked off don't appreciate such questions) what makes her so angry all the time, try and work it out. If you don't seem to be feeling good about this, and love the other girl/woman more, then I suggest you leave your current relationship. Still, make sure you are certain this cannot work out, and that the other girl is into you in the first place. Remember, not all relationships are meant to be. Please think carefully about this before making any decision. I am sure if both don't work out, you will still find someone. Don't you worry yourself. Love, Solaf.

Hello Ryan. My name is also Ryan. That makes me qualified to help you with your predicament. But in all seriousness, I dated a girl for two years. I loved her, but she continuously hurt me. She would have mental breakdowns and blame me for her problems instead of letting me in and allowing me to support her. Still, I cared about her. I put so much effort in to try to fix something that was infinitely broken. Then, I met somebody else, a lovely person who interested me. For the first time in two years, I had a feeling of butterflies in my stomach, like I used to get in primary school. However, I did not pursue this girl, but I decided for myself that I wanted those butterflies more often. I wanted to meet new girls, take it slow, and to keep my options open. So, I made a decision to break up with my girlfriend of two years. A decision for myself, not this new girl. I think we, as people (including myself), continuously search for love or companionship, but in the end, we have to be happy on our own first. Only then we can make our loved ones happy and things will start to fall into place.
Good luck with your decision!
Love, Other Ryan.

Bear in mind, people come and go. In the end, you yourself will be the last person on earth that will sing he final lullaby song to help you to enter your last dream. Your partner and your new girl are persons who help you to arrange the lyrics and melody of your final lullaby. Nevertheless, you are the composer. The decision is in you, deep in yourself.
The new girl may be the reminder of what was thing you really look for in your relationship and you may decide to rejuvenate your relationship. In the other hand, she may be the love of your life, and living with your partner is the way to discover what you really need in your love life.
I have been trapped in such kind of decision and the lesson learned is the answer was always in myself. Kindness and sweetness are not ultimate things. Problem is not always a dead end. You may seek deeply what are beneath those kindness and sweetness and the problems in your relationship. You should find things fit you.
Happy self-discovering! Mikha. Indonesia.


Have you and your current partner tried some counseling? 2 years is a commitment and do you want to toss it away? All relationships require work and compromise after the "honeymoon" phase is over. Both of you are responsible for creating sparks and excitement to keep the relationship going. Isn't it worth fighting for?
The new girl has caught your eye because there's the novelty and excitement in a new relationship. The flirting, the blindness, the new found attention. Chances are after 2 years again, you may be looking again bc you're becoming complacent or your expectations of a partner are too high?
Open the communications with your current partner. Ask honest questions and listen with your heart, not your ego. Love is not disposable. It requires energy, honesty and compromises- TOGETHER.
Wishing you the best, Julie.

I don't think that considering your current relationship and this new girl as if they were part of the same problem is the best approach. First of all, you should think over your relationship; and then, after deciding whether or not to stay with your partner, think if you're gonna give this new girl a chance.
Have you tried to see things from the point of view of your partner? Does she lose her cool because you could have been more thoughtful? Or is she just overreacting and making things difficult for everyone? On this point, it would be useful to ask your friends about their impressions.
Being afraid of being alone and unhappy is not a good reason to stay in a relationship that doesn't go where you were expecting or doesn't fulfil you (no matter how much time the two people have been together). You stated that if this new girl is the same as your girlfriend, you would end up alone and unhappy. It doesn't sound like you're happy with the dynamic of your relationship. Be brave and make a change. Have a serious conversation with your girlfriend about your problems. It can lead to a break up, but it also can lead to a positive change in the relationship. Take that first step.
Always remember that you can be happy as a single individual too, and that's necessary in order to be able to have a healthy relationship. Wish you the best. Noelia, Argentina.


It is said that if you are in a relationship and you fall in love with someone else, then you don't truly love the one next to you, but if you still come back to that person, then the other was just a distraction.
In your case, I think you just got used with your lover and now that you met someone new, everything has changed.
I've never been in a situation like yours, but I am known for the advice I can give.
I recommend you to talk to your girlfriend. Discuss with her about everything that bothers you or makes you uncomfortable and ask her to say the same. This way, you will start resolving the problem. If it just doesn't work, don't be afraid to try with someone else, but I do advice you to wait for a while.
Even though you may seem ready for a new relationship it doesn't mean you are.
Be patient and maybe try to be more careful when it comes to love, be more opened and don't lose hope.
I hope my answer helped!!
I wish you luck and a happy life!!
Lots of Love from Romania!
Madalina.

You are facing a major decision and I really have to wonder what you are basing it on? Could it be that you are looking for a way out of this relationship? No shame in that but really what part have you played in your relationship troubles? If you don't answer that, you may indeed end up alone. We tend to bring the same behaviors to new relationships without even being aware of it. You say your current partner is blaming you for silly mistakes. Perhaps to her they are not so silly? Then you wonder if the new girl you fancy will be the same!! I really have to question your issues with trust and your expectations of a relationship, perhaps you need to mature a bit before pursuing either of these women, Laurie.

As someone who has been in a relationship for a very long time, I can tell you that everyone loses their cool over stupid mistakes and other things that their partner may or may not do. Since you've been in a relationship for 2 years, and you met a kind and sweet girl, you are probably going to get yelled at for getting to know this other girl. I wouldn't be very happy with my partner if he got to know another girl and was considering breaking up with me to start a relationship with her. Is it worth ruining what you already have?
I hope that this kind and sweet girl knows that you are already in a relationship because that wouldn't be fair to her. It's your choice to make. I wish that I could tell you what to do, but this is a decision that you have to make. If you are alone, would it be that bad? Good luck. C.

You should think about your current relationship as if there were no other girl "who is really sweet and kind", like you said. Even without that new person in your life, you say that your relationship is not going anywhere. If you feel so, you should think about breaking up, but no matter of a new person. You still don't know her well and you're afraid to find the same problems. That's the risk, but because of that I think that you shouldn't consider some other and new person while still being in relationship. I think that you should simply exclude any other person and just think about current relationship, asking yourself: Do I want to stay here no matter of other girls and how perfect they can be? Or do I want to leave this relationship because I'm not happy and I can't make her happy?
I think that those should be criterias for your decision: If you are happy and if you make other person happy. If not so, than talk to her and leave. After that you can consider new girls by getting to know them, now you can't know anything. Just because you like someone because she seems kind and sweet, doesn't mean you would be happy with her. So try to solve your relationship first and then think about new steps in life. I wish you luck! :) Kamili


The first thing I would say is, don't hold on to something that don't bring you anything anymore. If it doesn't make you happy, let it go. The second thing is, if you want to go forward and have better relationships, you need to work on yourself first. Try to understand why it's not working with your current girlfriend. Don't blame her but start to question yourself and your own behaviour and the effect it can have on her. Learn from that situation and your mistakes before engaging yourself into anything new or it would repeat again in another relationship. Learn from bad situations and improve yourself, be more understanding and self-aware and your relationships will only improve and bring you more joy.
With Love, Chloe.

Thanks to all those who replied to this week's question. Remember, Team Oracle is open to anyone so if you fancy replying, click to read this week's, and send us your answer.



27 March 2015 / submitted by The Oracle, United Kingdom
Q.  WHO'D LIKE TO JOIN TEAM ORACLE?

As you may know, we have a weekly feature, Team Oracle, whereby each Friday we open questions of a personal nature to all of you to answer too. Then, the following Friday, I post a selection of the best answers, alongside my own reply.

ANYONE can join in so, if you'd like to, please email your response to the following question, in no more than 250 words, to theoracle@coldplay.com before midnight Thursday 2 April.

So, a couple years back I was on a hike with a bunch of friends. One of my friends fell, she nearly went off the cliff but I was right there so she grabbed onto me and I got her onto ground. I was foolish. All I said was, "you okay?", but then I just sorta continued on. I was dumb to not realize that she was on her own. She lives in Utah now, far as you can see around where I live. Last Summer she was visiting, I found out that she was crying alone on that hike after. Scared to death. I can't live with myself now. I feel responsible for her. The fact that we don't keep in touch hurts me. I want to be like her best friend, I have this need to protect her. I am a musician and I've written songs for her but I don't know the best way to make these songs or what to do with them so she could realize how much I care and want to be her friend. So who do I turn to? Well, who else? The masters of music, Coldplay. I was just hoping to get advice from The Oracle to get me out of this Ghost Story.
Just a Ghost, France.


Look forward to reading your replies.

The Oracle.
Please email your replies with TEAM ORACLE in the subject line to theoracle@coldplay.com
Including your twitter address may result in a follow back.



26 March 2015 / submitted by Cheryl, United Kingdom
Q.  Hi Oracle,

I am an avid badge collector, and have looked everywhere for a love badge that Chris has been wearing over the past 12 months, it's drivng me insane trying to find one any ideas where I can purchase one?
Yes, I do. Before I tell you, let me share something. I'm a great believer in paying it forward and giving something back but only if I believe in it.
I'd always advise decisions to be based on a personal basis.
All I ask is that before you decide to purchase the badge / pin / button, you please research the meaning rather than adopting something ad hoc.
If you can relate to it or it does mean something to you, feel free to go ahead and support the Love Button Movement.
You can get involved without buying anything and maybe that's something to also consider.



26 March 2015 / submitted by Margalita, Georgia
Q.  Dear Oracle,

How can I get over the feeling that I'm never good enough?
I can try and answer this in a simple, swift reply: a) know you are and b) prove you are.
I know it might not be so easy in practice but believe it and put that belief into action.



26 March 2015 / submitted by Brandon, United States of America
Q.  On the Ghost Stories Live 2014 DVD, are all the songs performed on the televised concert included, or just the Ghost Stories songs only?
If you scroll down the original news article that Anchorman posted on this site, you will see the full track listing.
It's not like the Live 2012 release, hence the specific name - Ghost Stories Live 2014.



25 March 2015 / submitted by Paddy, Ireland
Q.  Visiting London for the weekend and hope to check out some famous music pubs/venues in Camden.
I know Coldplay played Dublin Castle and Dingwalls back in the day.
Can you name me some other venues they played back in the early days?
Thanks
Pat from Ireland.
I can tell you the Camden venues, but alas, some have closed down permanently. No matter, I will tell you their site addresses (assuming you know where Dingwalls & Dublin Castle are).
Some are quite close in distance.
Laurel Tree (open but now BrewDog) - 113 Bayham Street.
The Falcon, Barfly (closed down, now flats) - 32 Wilmot Place.
Bull & Gate (closed down & mid refurb) - 389 Kentish Town Road.
The Monarch changed its name to Barfly (still open)- 39 Chalk Farm Road (not to be confused with The Monarch a few doors down).
The Forum (still open) - 9-17 Highgate Road (2 minute walk from the old Bull & Gate site).

Here is my suggested order to visit to save you time.
If I were you I would start at The Forum (nearest tube Kentish Town), walk a few minutes to Bull & Gate, walk or get a bus to Falcon site, walk to Laurel Tree site, walk to Dublin Castle, then walk to Dingwalls and finish at the Monarch. There are other venues locally that they have played but a lot later in their career (Koko, Roundhouse...)

If you're heading into town there's also Borderline & 12 Bar Club (just closed down) that are both close to one another off Charing Cross Rd (Tottenham Court Road end).



25 March 2015 / submitted by Faye, Australia
Q.  Hey hey hey,
Is the globe sitting on the amp in the Shiver video the same one from the Parachutes album cover?
I have answered a few questions about the globe over the years. Yes, the one in the video is the same as the one on the cover though there were several globes. They eventually made their way into storage but the original globe was auctioned for charity and raised £8,230 for Kids Company.


24 March 2015 / submitted by Amelia, United Kingdom
Q.  Dear Oracle,

Do you know where I could download the song 2000 Miles?
In 2003, 2000 Miles was available to download through our website for a limited time only. It went on to be the top selling UK download that year, with proceeds from the sales donated to Future Forests and Stop Handgun Violence campaigns.
The same year, it was also on a Best Buy Christmas compilation CD.
I'm afraid I can't point you to a download of the song though there are many places to hear it online (YouTube for example).



24 March 2015 / submitted by Joshua, Indonesia
Q.  I'm choosing a pet right now. I'm wondering which one is cuter, an iguana or hamster?
Hamster. Personally non-furry pets can't compete with furry ones. #JustMyOpinion


23 March 2015 / submitted by Brian, United States of America
Q.  I'm trying to purchase the song Gravity but can't find it anywhere. I'm told it's on the Talk single but I still have not been able to find a version with Gravity. Can you point me in the right direction?
I'm afraid I can't as I don't have a list of stockists.
Talk was released as a single in both the UK and US (where you are) and the b sides were Gravity & Sleeping Sun so there shouldn't be any problem finding it. It appears there are versions out there without it, but officially - as you probably know - there were two b-sides.




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